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Rant: This Is Why The Love Guru Looks Absolutely Terrible!

by Alex Billington
June 18, 2008
Source: Cracked.com

Readers have been complaining that I always speak positively about every last movie. So for a change from the norm, I've decided to give you a taste of my bitterness towards one of the most atrocious creations to ever grace the big screen - The Love Guru. Video blogger Wayne Gladstone gives his opinions on The Love Guru in a series titled Hate by Numbers and it perfectly sums up my exact reasons for why this looks terrible! Some of you may say that Mike Myers is still funny and that I need to give Love Guru a chance, but screw it, it doesn't deserve a chance. It looks so downright awful that I can't even give Myers the honor of two hours of my time watching his pitiful creation. If you need four solid reasons to not go see The Love Guru this weekend (and see Get Smart instead), then here they are.

Thanks to Cracked.com for opening my eyes to the brilliance of Gladstone. He explains why this movie looks so bad much better than I could have ever done, so I owe him for coming up with a video that tells why you shouldn't waste your money on The Love Guru this weekend. I hope you enjoy!

If you've been wondering why I haven't talked about The Love Guru since we first posted the trailer, it's because I feel it doesn't deserve any mention here on FS.net. The movie looks so stupidly unfunny that I cringe every time I hear the name. To make matters worse, we were shown a clip at ShoWest where Myers fought with a chicken. Yes, he fought a chicken. It was the stupidest thing I've seen all year. I would've much rather watched 27 Dresses multiples times over than subject myself to the torture that was the chicken fight again. As much as I loved the Austin Powers movies, I have no remorse for Mike Myers this time - The Love Guru looks absolutely terrible and I'm not ashamed to let it all out this time!

I really suggest you do not spend your money on The Love Guru this weekend. Go see Get Smart instead! I can actually tell you with confidence that Get Smart is actually an enjoyable movie that is worth your money! Sadly, I know people will end up seeing Love Guru and it's painful to know that there are people out there who can actually appreciate this kind of comedy. Who really needs to watch a stupid rehash of Austin Powers when they can just go pop in the DVD instead and enjoy much better comedy. Thankfully Love Guru is already a big contender for the Razzies, which is a good sign that it's destined to flop. However, that will only happen if all of you stop yourselves (and everyone you know) from going to see it!

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Related categories: Discussion, Editorials, Hype, Opinions

MrSatan

I agree that this movie looks stinky. It's like a crappy Austin Powers with a beard. No good!@
http://www.filmschoolrejects.com Neil

So Alex, did you actually see the movie? Just curious...
kit

Agreed. It's so far 10% fresh on Rottentomatoes and I don't think it's gonna get any better. I feel sorry for anyone that thought this actually looked good. Fortunately, the can't miss comedies are on their way with Step Brothers, Pineapple Express and Tropic Thunder.
http://www.theaterhopper.com Tom Brazelton

I want to say that I did NOT see this clip before drawing today's strip! But he's right on the money.
Pickle

Timberlake's appearance in this movie just kills it 100% for me. It's bad enough that this doesn't look too hot. I'm gonna go see "Get Smart" instead!
Jesse

I think the movie looks pretty funny. Now Get Smart to me looks boring as hell. Besides I hate that guy from the office, I could never understand why anyone thinks that guy is funny.
Jason Bourne

Saw it for free due to an advanced screening. For free of course. Not many movies are painful to watch. THIS ONE WAS HORRIBLE. worst movie ive seen in a long time.
Tyler

Not to mention that Mike Myers has just condemened the Toronto Maple Leafs to another 40 years of basement dwelling. I don't think he's allowed back in Ontario for using the Leafs.
kitano0

This is the movie we all deserve. Personally, for years now I think comedies have not gotten funnier, they have gotten more and more and more stooooopid! Thank you Adam Sandler and Chris Fahey and Ben Stiller and Farellys...just because something is outrageous means it is outrageous, not necessarily witty or funny. Or maybe everyone is so de-sensitized they need SOMETHING TO BASH THEM OVER THE HEAD HAAAAHAHAAHAAH KICK ME IN THE BALLS PLEEZZE THATS HILLLARIOUUSS! Now let me go watch some good ol' Mel Brooks or Marx Bros. or Woody Allen (The early funny stuff, that is)
twispious

I loathe half the movies he makes but Myers was on Letterman the other night & he was entertaining from start to end,someone should find that Letterman clip-esp the part where he talks about this movie,what originally inspired him to do it.Just sayin'.
http://skmovies.blogspot.com/ Sean Kelly

I wouldn't necessarily call Gladstone brilliance. That whole clip made me cringe. Still, I do plan on skipping Love Guru for Get Smart (though I still may check out the film at one point -- free on cable in about 6-8 months)
Tristan

i laughed during the trailer... so yeah. but i feel that if you haven't seen it then you shouldn't go this far to talk shit about a movie, maybe say that you don't think it looks good, but that's about it. and i'm not trying to defend it, i'm sure that it won't be the greatest comedy or anything, but everytime i see the trailer in theaters i hear the audience laugh and all that matters is that they bring the dough to support the show. but for me this is probably a rental, my girlfriends wants to see it.
Garrett.king

kitano0, I don't think Sandman, the late Chris Farley, Ben Stiller or the Farellys are to blame..I blame lyes with Judd Apatow..here are some of the shitty incarnations his released into the world. The 40 Year Old Virgin Knocked Up Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story You Don't Mess With the Zohan those are the films he wrote..but the films he produces are worse too Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Drillbit Taylor? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?!! I can kind of understand why Myers is going back to the well, but he's hit rock bottom in that damn thing and needs a new schtick ..maybe even do a couple of serious films and then comeback with the same crap and we'll be ready for it. He's talking about revisiting Austin Powers for a fourth time, dunno how excited I am about that, but I think it would be easier for us all to accept the same crap amongst Austin Powers films because that's really where it was unleashed. Admittedly, I laughed when I saw the first trailer for the love guru, it looked spunky and kinda fresh... but I can't remember how much sleep I had that day..so maybe it wasn't a great deal. Every TV spot and trailer since then...I've hated..and I'm getting tired of it, I just want it to bypass, fail, flop and be swept into my nearest freeby dvd bin. Only then might I watch it...but it isn't likely.
starvs

Thank god I have yet to see happening. I can hit up the epic love guru/happening back to back double feature this weekend.
Stephen

Haha I see this post and then look up and see a ad for the movie. But it won't effect me, not even Colbert can save this movie.
Boo-Yah

I think the funniest thing on this whole page is comment #13 - 40 Yr old Virgin, Superbad and Knocked Up aren't funny?!? I must have been watching some other movies with those exact titles. Those have been three of the funniest (not to mention box office successful) films in recent memory. Apatow has a way of blending humor with stories/themes that people can relate to. Saying those movies aren't funny what the fuck is THAT shit?
Alfredo

Garrett.king... you must have been joking right? You named some of the funniest movies in the past few years, so you saying that those are the movies that killed comedy is just you being sarcastic... right? right? I remember the trailer for this showed....before Speed Racer I think? Dunno, but anyway, there were only a couple people kinda snickering but the rest of the theater was just quiet. I guess that gives you an idea of what the general public thinks of this.
Ricky

First I have to defend Apatow. His movies have been a saving grace over the past few years. I don't think it's the outrageous aspects that sell his films, I think it's the casting. It may be the same guys over and over again, but they're always funny. And I don't know how this happened, but Drillbit Taylor was hilarious. It looked completely stupid, but I saw it anyway, and I'm not ashamed to say I think that was one of the funnier films I saw this spring. As far as the Love Guru goes, while I appreciate Mike Meyers unique sense of humor, he's kind of an Andy Kaufman type of comic actor....and his jokes are only going to be appealing to a select few. What comedy doesn't rehash old material? The only difference in this case is this film is rehashing a type of humor that's a bit more....moronic, and seemingly British. I've seen interviews with Meyers and I kind of respect where this movie is coming from, kind of a life inspired character. He even did Kaufman-esque appearances as the Guru Pitka in some venues without ever revealing who he really was just to test the character out. He's really gone head first with this character, so I'll see it for that reason. With that said....I agree, I think this movie looks pretty retarded, and I expect it to be one of the bigger bombs of the summer. Regardless of how this movie goes over, what is going to make it even worse is it's going to be quoted over, and over, and over by those people....those annoying people who have nothing funny of their own to say, but can pull off an accent and they feel the need to be the funny guy in the room. So they'll quote this movie like they did with Austin Powers, Napoleon Dynamite, and Borat.....and they will ruin this movie even further for everyone. I can hear them now and it makes me want to punch someone in the brain.
tinman

I don't think I've really enjoyed anything Mike Myers has starred in since "So I Married an Axe Murderer." His scottish father in that one was the only one of his "character" roles I liked. That bit about the Pentuplet(sp) was great. Wayne's World had it's moments but I think his characters are better left in sketch comedy and don't support a feature length film. (thank god the movie for "Dieter" never got off the ground. that would have been "It's Pat" caliber of bad.)
Garrett.king

Boo Yah (16) Those movies are not funny. It's a box office success? Whoopdi fuckin doo, so was Titanic and that movie was a piece of shit too. I enjoy real comedy I.E. Kevin Smith, Richard Pryor, George Carlin and Carlos Mencia.Futurama, Family Guy. The movies I mentioned are all bullshit, and just because a large majority of people like it doesn't mean it's good TO ME, if you like it fine. To each his own. I'm not about to say that you're an idiot for liking stupid movies..though the two would seem to go hand in hand. Alfredo (17) I wasn't joking, and what I listed were some of the dumbest and unfortunate movies of the last few years. Comedy isn't dead, it's just in a harsh coma. And I'm not defending the Love Guru, far from it. This looks like another piece of crap (just like the aforementioned movies). in closing, if a majority of the population like a film it doesn't mean it's correct. Neither of you would let someones liking for the Love Guru or The Happening slide (I'm guessing) so why should you get away with liking films that are bad yourself? if you like them that's fine, I don't care. but the movies are making America dumber. We need smart humor that can have a touch of pulling your heart strings. Kevin Smith films YES. Judd Apatow films, NO.
Garrett.king

as much as I don't believe what I'm about to type, I have to. it's just too good of a line, so forgive me, but I can't pass it up. actually it'll probably seem pretty stupid, don't care doing it anyway. I wonder if the percentages of stupidity in America match the percentage of the American population that liked Superbad. there, done. sorry moderator, go ahead and delete it just had to get it out of my system.
Alfredo

Ok, you're defending your argument by saying those movies are not good TO YOU. That's fine and all, but then you argue that those movies are killing the comedy genre. Pryor, Carlin, Mencia, etc don't have feature length movies so you can't mention that as the type of comedy you like. That would be like me saying I prefer Lost over Cloverfield. Apatow's movies aren't really dumb humor... "Meet the Spartans" is. Apatow's movies have such appeal because they ring true to people. Just because people do stupid crap in real life and Apatow portrays that in his movies doesn't mean he's dumbing America down.
Garrett.king

I prefer Cloverfield over Lost, just thought I'd let you know. Pryor and Carlin do have feature length films, and it's only a matter of time before Mencia does too. look 'em up. And if you were paying closer attention Kevin Smith is in there as well. He has 7 films under his belt and an eighth coming out with an actor I fucking despise above all others, that being Seth Rogen. He ISN'T funny he DOESN'T have talent, and he's not even fucking pleasant to look at. Meet the Spartans IS stupid and so is that brand of comedy, well what that brand of comedy has done (majorly fucking up the great movies such as Spaceballs, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein). And yes I am defending my opinion with The movies aren't good to me and I still believe that they aren't at least helping anyone. That's what you do with your opinion, you state it and defend it. The movies that Apatow has released have LITERALLY made me sick. And it's not to say I haven't tried, I've sat through each one of his movies with a real attempt to like them..I haven't..and there are plenty of other people that think Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow are a big fuckin waste of time. I'm done with this conversation.
http://blog.myspace.com/shero_rauf shero

I am not going to see this movie .... This is not the only stupid movie that you must not make it as a topic ... there is a lot of other movies " specially comedy once " who must have just one topic : Do not watch this movie !!! For my self " it is my own opinion : I don't like the acting and the movies of : Adam Saddler + Ben Stiller + Mike Myers .... They can be just used as voice over an animated movie ...yeah ..they got idiotic voices... but as an actor watching them ... Hell No .... and by the way they are not comedian ... Do you know who can make real comedy ? Robin Williams , Eddy Murphy , Jim Carry , Steve Carell ...
the critic

garret.king you are one taped movie lover. clover field (the 2second flash in the pan) over lost. that pulls out more twists and surprises that a kinda surprise and super bad, 40 yrold virgin,knocked up, zohan are brilliant entertainment for the comedy section.your supposed to look at those movies from the point of view as a laugh, as if you were that kid again in high school.etc (i held back there.) god next your gona say the godfather part 1, or star wars a new hope, or sideways were shite movies. just listening to you talk about film makes me want to barf. i could get you into some reason movies if i had the time. oh and for all the hype over clover field for the year leading up to it. man what a disappointment. and don't put Kevin smith the living legend in your blog again. you haven t the context or IQ to interpret how brilliant they are.
Garrett.king

dude I'm 21, and a new hope was one of my favorite movies, in fact I love all of the star wars films AS WELL AS the godfather trilogy. KEVIN SMITH is one of my favorite fucking writer/directors ass hole, and I'll sure as hell put him in where I feel it's needed. If you're too desensetized to get involved with cloverfield, that's fine too. And I said I prefer cloverfield over lost, not that I hated Lost, in fact I own the first season on DVD as well. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A TAPED MOVIE LOVER? I only buy DVD's that have special features where the writers and directors will go on and on about how they made the film and what they went through to do it. So if me expressing what I think is ACTUALLY funny is upsetting you so fucking much then don't read my responses. I've tried to like those films for what they were, they've made me laugh a couple of times amongst them and they have their audience out there. But I personally think they're mostly shit and could do with some smarter fuckin' language. I was raised on a whole bunch of different types of films, books and television shows. What I prefer is what I prefer. I never said that you were all idiots for liking the films, I just feel the films are shitty. So back the fuck off. Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Robin Williams, Kevin Smith, George Carlin, Richard Pryor THESE PEOPLE ARE FUNNY, Through and through and they're a pleasure to watch. so let's get back to the topic at hand, MIKE MYERS is OFFICIALLY out of fresh material and should just stop embarrassing himself. Much like you, the critic. maybe you should lay out the shit that you were going to say. Please list all of the shit that you think I'm too stupid to understand. LIKE YOU FUCKING KNOW ME!
Garrett.king

oh shit. forgot to mention something. I find Steve Carrell quite funny too. Been watching his career grow ever since his days on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. In the 40 year old virgin, i found him annoying beyond all fucking hell. and guess what, Seth Rogen. I hate him in everything he's done...accept when I saw the trailers for Kevin Smiths "Zach and Meri (spelling?) Make a Porno" I thought he was funnier than shit. It's Judd Apatow who blows, not the actors.
Ash

You're gonna trash Meyers for rehashing the same ol shit and defend it with Kevin Smith? Let it be known I think this movie looks like crap and defending it in no way. Also I want to say I am too a huge Smith fan, but come on, has he not also been dishing out the same repackaged material recently. He vows never to do another Jay and Silent Bob movie ever again after Strike Back, but after Jersey Girl flops, we get Clerks 2. Don't think for one second his casting of Rogen isn't a way to try to cash in on the success of Apatow and his flicks. He claims he doesn't care about having a box office hit as long as it turns a small profit, but you know he wants to be where Apatow is now having his movies eclipse the $100 million mark with almost every release. Hell, he'll be happy if he has a movie open number one, which he has yet to do.
Boo-Yah

Garrett - I could justify alluding to me as an idiot if I was defending junk like "Meet the Spartans", but alas, I don't want to make this about name-calling. Like you said everyone is entitled to their opinion - and when it comes to movies - there are always going to be arguments about what is good/funny, etc. It's the nature of a movie - some people love it, others may hate it. I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan myself, not to mention Family Guy, which you also referenced above. It's obvious you have a good back-ground when it comes to comedies, I won't argue that since I'm a fan of many of the same. I guess I just assumed that a fan of Kevin Smith movies would also enjoy the comedy in Superbad, etc - since it's a lot of times in that crude/sexual style? I think the real problem with comedies these days is the abundance of these so-called 'spoof' films - i.e.: Meet the Spartans, Date Movie. Can Hollywood not make a good parody movie anymore??? What happened to actually funny spoofs like Spaceballs, Airplane, Naked Gun, etc. These new spoofs make me cringe every time I hear about one...
Garrett.king

Ash. If he'd wanted to do it for the money he wouldn't've made Clerks II and would've just done Green Hornet instead. He didn't want to do Green Hornet because he had a bad experience on Jersey Girl involving not having a lot of say on how things are done, so he went back to the well and did a great job. If he wanted to cash in on anything he wouldn't be doing the movies he's doing. Boo-Yah That was in fact my point as well, these spoof films today suck and they need to get back in the game. That's why I'm feeling good about Get Smart, they actually had Mel Brooks (one of the creators of the original show, as well as God of the old spoof comedies that were actually GOOD) they actually had Mel Brooks with them to say what worked and what didn't work and what they could do instead. They're staying totally in spirit of it. The thing about Apatows films that effects me so negatively isn't the subject matter or the actors, it's how he delivers them. I understand that a lot of people love Apatow and I respect that. But I just can't admit to thinking that the majority of people are right about a movie being funny and I'm wrong when the major percentage of the Americans that were FOR the war in Iraq, wanted to go there because they blamed 9/11 on Saddam Hussein. They can't even get basic facts right, so I can't say that "Well the majority think it's great, maybe I should give it thousands of more tries until I enjoy it." It won't work that way for me. Glad we got all this crap settled between you and I (that sounded a little off...meh. don't care) On to Alfredo and the critic then. What do you guys have to slap me with today?
http://movieguyreviews4u.blogspot.com Ryan

Well as a critic I get to see them for free but if I had to pay I would pay for GET SMART and then sneak into LOVE GURU afterwards.
Garrett.king

Ryan, you are a good man. haha.
Ash

Smith did Clerks 2 because it was the safer picture to do. He had a flop with Jersey Girl, so it was wise to do it on the cheap and turn a small profit. It's important to him to have the confidence of Harvey Weinstien because he has been on of his biggests supporters from the start. Doing Hornet would have been a big risk. Yes Jersey Girl acheived below expectations, but despite the whole Bennifer backlash, I believe it made back its money. A bigger budget means bigger expectations, so if Hornet did not perform well, it would result in bigger dissapointment. His next project was supposed to be a horror movie, Red State, but he chose the safer pick again. Let's do a comedy, those Apatow comedies are doing well right now, let's get Rogen to play the lead. Elizabeth Banks was in 40 Year Old Virgin, lets get her to play the female lead. Maybe we can fool some people to think this is an Apatow film and piggy back on their success. Do you not think a conversation like that did not come up in casting for these roles?
Derek

People have always said, you should never discuss religion or politics. You can now add comedy to the list. I like to think of myself as a cerebral comedy lover which I am, but I also laugh myself into belly pains seeing someone get hit in the face/head/balls, what have you. I'm also of the opinion that the Three Stooges were not only kings of slapstick, but their manipulation of the english language was also bordering on brilliant. I enjoy a good witty line as much as the next guy, but I also enjoy a good pie to the face as well. Now, back to the Love Guru. Do I think this film will suck so hard that screens will have to have the theatre seats surgically removed from them? Yes, I do. Myers is old hat, and he was after the first Austin Powers. He hasn't done anything decent in forever, but he was gold on SNL. He has to stop sucking so much British dick though. There are other sources of comedy to be had. That being said, I did laugh at his comparison of Verne Troyer to an Academy Award. But having the Toronto Maple Whiny Bitches as the team this film is based on? Might I just say...what the fuck? The Leafs suck, they always have, they always will. The Leafs will continue to suck for the rest of eternity as the city themselves would not want it any other way. It's fashionable to hate the Leafs especially if you're from Toronto (which I am, but live in Calgary now). Comedy is subjective, as is most art. Everyone likes to fart higher than their ass some of the time but as long as we all find some humour regardless of where it is, the world is a better place. Now stop all the name calling, or I'm taking off my belt and opening the can of ass whip!
Garrett.king

Ash. Smith did Clerks 2 because it was where he wanted to g...fuck it man, I'm done arguing with people on here. It's not worth it.
Dusty

hmmm.. well that was fun to read all these.. hmm.. nope.. too busy trying to rationalize the folks cussing their *beeps* off and yet commenting about how the films could use better dialogue and writing... hmm... ok.. nevermind... already too much SHIT hitting the fan on this topic... hahahahaha
kitano0

GEEEE WHizzzz...! And I thought my post was a little snarky!
Alex

So I just saw the movie last night. (Working at a movie theater has some privileges) It was horrible. Really, really bad. I didn't want to think it could be that bad and then...it got worse. Just not funny. Jokes rehashed. The Guru character is by far, Mike Myers worst. The best part of the movie is when they have the cameos of Mariska Hargitay and Val Kilmer. (and I don't care if I spoiled anything for you. This movie doesn't deserve your surprise) The movie is so bad that making fun of it seems kind of pathetic. Just avoid at all costs.
kitano0

But, then again, it a reaction to my post that got the ball rollin'...one more karmic misshap on my part....that being said, some folks I know think Apatow's movies have too many f-words in them. I'm just saying...
http://skmovies.blogspot.com/ Sean Kelly

Even though I have to agree he is a bit over-exposed now, Judd Apatow helped make R-rated comedies cool again with the success of 40-Year-Old Virgin. I have to say that before I saw 40-Year-Old Virgin and how funny it was, I was very apprehensive about seeing those types of comedies. Nowadays, I prefer them. In the end, it's all about taste and what you find funny. If you don't find Judd Apatow's films funny, that's OK. However, don't say that the movies are ruining comedies.
Frankenweenie

Peter Griffin is the only one who can fight a chicken!!! No, but seriously The Love Guru looks like complete an utter crap. how did one pitch this movie to studio executives, and worse get it financed?
Jont

anyone see the sundance iconoclast with deepak and mike? i did and i want to see this movie just to laugh about that aspect and btw if youre going to rip the same "joke 2wice" then id have to ask if youve ever seen the austin powers movies more then once, or any movie if youre going to be that hardcore about it then be that hardcore about it. this movie is worth the time
Ajax

Judd Apatow's flicks are very vulgar, and that is where the comedy lies. It pulls off crazy, ofensive bit after bit after bit, but it avoids some criticism by having a redeeming quality to them. If one realizes that "Hey, there's nothing that funny about a penis" then the films lose all quality of humor. That can also apply to "The Love Guru" . This film has very little jokes that are worth repeating, and it seems awfully familiar (oh yeah, AUSTIN POWERS!). I will no see this film. By the way, another film that looks bad is "Meet Dave" with Eddie Murphy. Not a single time in during the trailer or TV spot did I laugh. It looks even worse than this film. Oh, and this film will not sweep the Razzies because it will lose to "The Hottie and the Nottie" with Paris Hilton. That will probably be the "Titanic" of the Razzies.
Strider

Garrett.King: Learn what literally means. Thanks.
Garrett.king

I know what literally means. ACTUALLY, PHYSICALLY, REALLY. The poster for "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" made me feel nauseous, and that isn't a joke. funny, never thought I'd tell someone named Strider to piss off.
Strider

http://www.trailersforall.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/forgetting-sarah-marshall-poster.jpeg Scantily clad Kristen Bell makes you nauseous? Sad....
http://www.firstshowing.net Alex Billington

Wait - is that even real?! I've never seen that poster...
Strider

I'm not sure, it comes up a bunch when you Google image search for the movie + poster. I only remember seeing the one with Peter and the broken heart in the theatres, though.
adam

I watched the movie several times actually, and I love it. it has parts thay have me laughing so hard for a very long time. but I will admit that justin timberlake does an awful acting job and that some parts are incredibly stupid (like the fighting with rooster scene). I did enjoy this movie however, and I would rather watch this over and over than watch carlos mencia who over reacts. drillbit taylor wasn't that great and neither was superbad or knocked up. if you haven't seen this movie, watch it before you start giving an opinion.