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Barbie Has Everything Else, So Why Not a Movie Now, Too?

by
September 23, 2009

Barbie

If you didn't think Transformers, G.I. Joe, Battleship, Candyland, He-Man, Monopoly, and Stretch Armstrong (did I miss any?) weren't enough to wet your clearly desperate appetite for toy based cinema, now it's time to bring some of that action to the ladies. Variety announced earlier tonight that Universal will be bringing Mattel's 50 year-old Barbie toyline to the big screen. I'm pretty sure we already saw this back when it was called Legally Blonde, but apparently Universal thinks that they've bagged a winner amongst the other studios clamoring for a safe bet in picking up well-known intellectual property for new movies.

Here's what Universal Chairman Marc Shmuger had to say about the new Barbie movie:

"Barbie is the most famous doll in history, a unique cultural icon in the world of brands. So many representations of Barbie frequent pop culture, but never before has she been brought to life in a motion picture."

I don't know about you, but I remember seeing Barbie brought to life in tons of terrible straight-to-DVD releases with computer animation reminiscent of the 90's Canadian animated series "ReBoot."  To be fair, Barbie does have a lot at her disposal. I mean off the top of my head I'm pretty sure that Barbie has been a veterinarian, an astronaut, a nurse, a movie star, a stewardess and even the President of the United States of America. On top of that she's got a Jeep, a camper, some dogs, a whole bunch of other crap. Such great fodder for a movie. But isn't Barbie really just a non-slutty, smarter, hard-working version of Paris Hilton?

Anyway, I know that this will give girls something to be excited about with all the toys for boys taking over cinema, but I can't see this film becoming anything more than a lighthearted romantic comedy akin to dozens of other films we've seen like it before. Unless something extremely creative is done with Barbie, I can't imagine it being more than just a brand name slapped onto a dramatic story. Good luck, Universal!

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  • BIG 789
    What The Fuck? Are You Serious Universal
  • J34
    Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking Barbies on this motherfucking plane! 
  • Baddog 346
    FUCK NO Barbie will kill Hollywood With Czars
  • mbombo
    this could be good if its nc17
  • hyacinth
    screw hollywood.
  • Wylles
    Yeah, Sex and the City for Tweens...
  • DoomCanoe
    *blows out brains*
  • Hattori Hanzo
    Where's my steel? I may have to commit hari kara over this.
  • http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/2408/blackbabyjesus.gif Crapola
    I hope it's like Dark Knight dark and shows her true origins and it ends with her smoking crystal meth, as a prostitute giving £20 handjobs before being murdered by her mother, who is a militant Christian. Can't wait!
  • Joseph
    I love that you mentioned "Reboot." I use to love that show when I was little.
  • Tra la la la la di da
    It's easy, simple, and makes sense out of every other toy. Given, there have been plenty of movies that could have been titled "Barbie Does ___"...Dallas I know, but sadly as it was bound to happen, Ethan is right. Legally Blonde, The House Bunny, and others could be "Barbie" movies. Still, if you have had the fortune *gag* of seeing on of the Barbie movies for kids, it wouldn't be hard to make a live action movie that's cheap and will bring in lots of money from kids. But hey, Etahn, clean up your statement about Reboot 'cause that show was fuckin' awesome!
  • Otacon
    hey Ethan, you forgot the Bratz movie. The lady toys have already been trounced out
  • germs
    God, help us all.
  • will
    what the FUCK!
  • Caitie
    This is such a waste of time, no one cares about this (even little girls lately). The brats movie bombed so how are they even going to make any money out of this? Well maybe if they do a lot of promotional stuff. Never understimate the power of advertising. ;-)
  • SS
    I always thought "Legally Blonde" was a Barbie movie done right.
  • Wylles
    -Legally Blonde IS a Barbie Movie. -Almost Any Girl Movie with Pink in it is a Barbie Movie. -Armaggedon is coming. -If you See This Barbie Movie, Your I.Q. will drop at least 50 points, you have to turn away from the screen and get away before...it...turns...you...into...a...duh...eh...gah...
  • Wylles
    While there at it, Why dont make a Live-action Cabbage Patch kids Movie? and a Rubix Cube Movie? and a Coca Cola Movie? And an Oreo Movie? And a Nike Movie? And a Matchbox Movie? And a Fisher- Price Movie? and a Tonka Movie? And a Yo-yo Movie?
  • http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/2408/blackbabyjesus.gif Crapola
    Hey Wylles, I found the lead for a Cabbage Patch kids Movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ysqh1uzqGrc - Apparently the Yoyo film has already been made.
  • http://myspace.com/bigshowmanagement Big Show Management
    All they need now is an update to that old Barbie song to something that's up to date. Check out myspace.com/bradymsp and hear the hottest 'BARBIE GIRL" ever.
  • max s.
    Who wants to see a movie about a bunch of prissy teenaers
  • max s.
    Who wants to see a movie about a bunch of prissy and slutty teenagers

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