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It's Aliens, I Tell You! It's Aliens Who've Sunk My Battleship!

by
November 7, 2009
Source: Latino Review

Battleship

But seriously. We already know that the classic Hasbro board game, Battleship, is being adapted into a live-action feature film to be directed by Peter Berg. We know that Universal is planning on releasing it on August 5th, 2011. We know that the film will be shooting next Spring. What we didn't know, until now, however, is just who the international five-ship fleet (discussed by Berg) would be fighting. Well, according to Latino Review, we do now. Aliens. Sorry. Let me have another go at that. ALIENS! Oh yes. Sweet Zuul, yes. There's no word on what type of aliens, where they'll be from (aside from OUTER! SPACE!), or which leader they'll demand to see, but, again… we're talking about aliens here. Who cares about the logistics.

Now, in this next paragraph, I could do a couple of different things. I could choose to brutally eviscerate Universal and Peter Berg and Battleship. I could choose to question just why aliens would choose to attack Earth… via the sea (when to even get to our solar system, they obviously had to have some sort of space travel. Unless we're talking about some deep-sea dwelling aliens who've finally had enough of our terrestrial bullshit.) Sure, Earth has a lot of water. You know what else it has? A lot of airspace. Like, one hundred percent. We're surrounded by the stuff. Sure, that's been done. Independence Day. V. But it's been done for a reason. 'Cause it makes sense. Maybe Battleship will take place only partially on the high seas. It'll be about only one arm of the aliens' attack. Who knows? But I'm going to choose not to flay the amphibious skin from Universal's body. That'll be your job, good readers. Instead, I'm going to go for option two:

Fuck. Yes. Aliens. I love aliens. The more movies about aliens, the better. Hell, the only way this news could get better is if Berg said the battle would be alien on alien. Who needs to see another movie about humans?! How blasé. And if it's not already completely obvious, Battleship is going to be based on the game about as much as Transformers was based on the action figures, but probably less literal. It's taking the name alone. And that's just what these crazy-in-theory Hasbro adaptations need to do. They need to take the name, tuck it in an inside pocket, and don a fresh uniform. In this case, a Navy uniform versus an alien shark-skin carapace. I mean, what else are these aliens on Earth for? They're here for our sea water, and they're not leaving without it. Good thing for us, though, that they came with only five sea crafts of moderately increasing size to match up with our own.

You know what else is going to be awesome? When Hasbro eventually releases the updated version of Battleship that's based on the movie that was based on the original game of Battleship. Then you can watch those no-good, slimy aliens get their battleships all blown up while you play along at home! So, where'd this news hit you today? Your patrol boat? Your destroyer? Or--dare I say--your aircraft carrier?!

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  • Stevo
    Maybe it isn't "alien" aliens, but illegal aliens. It would explain why 5 ships are fighting 5 ships. The first being the relative size of the Mexican Navy and the latter being the deployment we can currently fund for a war with Mexico in these times of economic buckfutt and waring with anyone who has oil.
  • Something tells me that this Battleship movie is gonna be alot like the transformers movies but with out the autobots and decepticons!, if you get my drift?!?!, and will be more like a battle between warships instead of transformers where theres the autobots fighting the decepticons!!!, it'll be ships against ships, a war going on the sea or oceans!!!. I hope that very famous actors and actresses takes role to be in this movie or at least actors and actresses takes roles in this movie so that it does not end be a bad movie and fail in the movie theaters when it is released to movie theaters in like 2 or 3 years from now!.
  • sedna
    yeah thats rite, delete my comments - shows what site ur running here.
  • Ravster
    Why are you assuming the aliens are from outer space? They may be living on planet Earth in different forms. Didn't realize this was Latino Review with all the god awful sarcasm.
  • Spider94
    Soo E.T was coming back to earth and his spaceship got a small computer glitch.and the glitch turned on the doomsday clock which sends all of E.T's alien friends to Earth for the ultimate invasion.Before they can cross the Pacific Ocean they must face off against an Elite Squad of Battleships.The Battleship Squad must suceed before its to late. sounds like a nice plot -all aliens from outer space >_< have you seen Race To Witch Mountain yet?
  • lord blow
    i heard cool ranch doritos the movie is set to hit scene in 2012. can't wait!
  • I can't wait for the game based on the movie.
  • Said
    what the hell #1 you got somethin against mexicans!!!! haha just kidding but that be wierd though.... aliens on battleships?
  • Al
    the reason for the aliens is because they want the picture to relate to all international markets, and not just US. They are going to have ambiguous ships and an international cast. Its all obvious, and all a terrible, terrible idea. You should never make a film precisely to make it marketable.
  • DoomCanoe
    but...you never fought Aliens in Battle Ship. in fact all you did was fire blindly at another persons ships. "B7!!" "miss" "fuck..." that's the kind of movie i want to watch
  • Nikhil Hariharan
    Hey guys, you have to relate this idea to movies that have had the same premise. Im pretty sure this movie is going to turn out like Zathura, where board game comes to life and might be catered to family. I myself enjoyed that film.
  • AD
    Nah, it's all about remote control warfare... You have to admit the idea behind sitting at a map and picking which quadrant to drop your bombs in is eerily like those guys manning the air force's drones... I mean, I'm just sayin is all. Or maybe the five ships are fighting the life rafts / dinghy's of the alien space craft that crashed into the ocean.... oooh that must be it.
  • Wylles
    Yeah......Great Idea.......Best Idea EVAR to come out since, the Wheel, perhaps? yeah, im just fascinated, cause you know there isnt better material out there, ANYWHERE.....ya know, just in a board game, man, I just, im blown away......
  • Noelle
    I love Stephen Colbert's interpretation of how this movie will go down.
  • Tra la la la la di da
    Brandon, you're awesome! This is going to be great! I'm so excited and I can't wait for them to copy another classic invasion film as these days, what's original? OH! THIS! BATTLESHIPS AND ALIENS!!!!
  • xerxex
    ever hear of jamanji? board game that came to life? I guess not, I'm interested, unlike most who just want to shit all over an idea, but oh well I'm gonna wait for a trailer to make judgement. It could be that I just like Berg's style, and I'm getting a vide that this film may not sound good on paper, but on the silver screen it may shine.
  • Chack70
    please somebody tell me that Berg is only doing this so he can finally get started on Lone Survivor, the Navy Seal movie that everyone is waiting on.
  • Sounds lame. I'll be sure to miss this.
  • SS
    Actually Battleship was a good allusion to the days when the primary means of finding enemies at sea was by direct sight scouting. World War 2 was full of stories about how whole opposing fleets just whisked by each other not knowing the other was right there. And that was even with all the scout planes employed to find the enemy. I think an interesting story can be written about that kind of situation, kind of like a double-headed Crimson Tide where two fleets are not sure of where the other is... and there's bad weather.... and a lot of equipment isn't working properly, don't know if other ships are hostile, etc.
  • Tra la la la la di da
    Wow...xerex is an idiot in that. Jumanji wasn't an actual game first.
  • xerxex
    Well #20 its still a board game movie, rolling a dice, movie a piece in order to win, so fuck my bad for not being 100% accurate. And unlike you Tra la la la la di da, I'm willing to give Berg's idea a chance, at least try to have some compassion for a new idea, this sounds a lot better then the garden variety Battleship, and try not to be any more of a kiss ass. And the Jumanji I'm talking about is the 1981 classic childrens story by Chris Van Allsburg, about two bored little kids Judy and Peter, and even though the movie differs from the book its still based on it. And it was a board game the whole time.
  • Tra la la la la di da
    A kiss ass? To whom? What is anyone here going to get me? Duh...I know it was a board game. That was the plot of the story. It's how the author wrote it. This is not a movie about a board game...it is a movie based on a board game. You're not 100% accurate, you're no where near but that's ok. Give it a chance? Your comments about the movie have nothing to do with the premise Brandon even mentioned! lol I'm not sure you could be more wrong if you tried.
  • Battleship suxballs
    this will be absolute shite - I can't believe this is what they choose to make a movie of!
  • xerxex
    oh I can try! believe you me I CAN! maybe the kiss ass comment was unwarranted, but what can you expect when you start your reply with "Wow…xerex is an idiot in" so a petty emotional response came about. So there that is. At least wait until a trailer drops before you pass judgement, at the most it could surprise you.
  • Six Three
    #1 leave your goddamn political comments out of it. if you want to talk shit do it somewhere else.
  • bozo
    Interesting. Though, as there are no active (or reserve) "Battleships" left sailing... I wonder if it'll be retro.
  • skipman
    I cannot understand why they are doing an aliens film based on a board game. If they want an aliens at sea film why not adapt John Wyndams brilliant book THE KRAKEN WAKES. It would make more sence.
  • DoomCanoe
    haha Xerxex your such a bitch i love it! seriously your comments tend to make my day by making me feel a little more manly. so thanks for that chief ;)! like i said before "B7!!" "miss..." "...fuck" that's the movie i wanna see
  • Xerxex
    really DoomCanoe I'm happy that my comments make you smile, and in turn that makes me smile, so its a win win. But what I'm confused about is why the hell do you care? I mean seriously it seems that something has gotten your panties in a twist and it made you feel as if you had to call me out just to unwind said twist. Tra la la la la di da and me are having a conversation and here you pop in randomly too add your two cents, and let me just say; good job calling me a bitch . So hopefully this secondary will help make your day. "like i said before "B7!!" "miss…" "…fuck" if thats the movie you wanna see then more power to ya. Well I'm off to poke around youtube, later. p.s. I love you.
  • Hyper Dweeb III
    This must be the film Berg is making instead of the Dune remake. Pity, I would prefer to have seen Dune.

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