Joss Whedon's Open Letter to Buy the Terminator Franchise
If you haven't heard yet, the rights to the Terminator franchise are going up for auction later this month. The Financial Times reports that The Halcyon Co. is selling off the entire rights to the franchise, which will "give the buyer the ability to make new Terminator films, TV programmes and other spin-offs that build on the popularity of the franchise." Sounds like a hell of a deal. It will reportedly sell for more than $60 million, which is what the TMNT franchise sold for recently. But that's not the best part. Nikki Finke of Deadline Hollywood published an open letter from Joss Whedon to the owners of the rights and it's just hilarious.
It's better to read the letter in its entirety on Deadline Hollywood, but I've pulled some of the best parts:
I am Joss Whedon, the mastermind behind Titan A.E., Parenthood (not the movie) (or the new series) (or the one where 'hood' was capitalized ’cause it was a pun), and myriad other legendary tales. I have heard through the 'grapevine' that the Terminator franchise is for sale, and I am prepared to make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up. This is not a joke, this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a check TODAY for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.
He jokes about how he's not joking that there are four zeroes behind that one - "that's to show you I mean business." At first I thought this was fake, like it didn't actually come from Joss Whedon, but now I think it's real and he's just making fun of the franchise, essentially saying that it was a great idea that's been beat to a bloody pulp by Hollywood. Here are some of his ideas for what he'd do with the franchise if he owned it:
1) Terminator… of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far… back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? "Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!" RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he's a cyborg and he doesn't give a s#&% about the ring -- it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he's doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).
2) More Glau. Hey. There's a reason they're called "Summer" movies.
3) Can you say… musical? Well don't. Even I know that's an awful idea.
4) Christian Bale's John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)
And this is why people love Joss Whedon! I've got to admit, that was downright hilarious. He's basically saying what everyone else has already thought about this franchise - it's dead, give it up! McG (and friends) tried their hardest to reignite the franchise, but it failed miserably, fizzled out to a cool $125 million earlier this summer. And now what are they going to do with it? Sell the rights off to someone else and pay even more money for another sequel or spin-off that will fail again. I think the Terminator franchise still has a lot of potential, but only in the hands of someone smart who really knows what to do with it. Your thoughts?