Weinsteins Go Back to Scream, Short Circuit, Scanners & More
by Ethan Anderton
September 25, 2009
Hollywood is becoming so formulaic that I think it's time FirstShowing created a sort of MadLibs, so you, the readers, can put news stories together yourself. Sound fun? Of course it does. Today (Variety/The Hollywood Reporter) announced that (Studio/Company) is (remaking/rebooting/revisiting/adapting) the (established Book/Comic Book/Toyline/Film/TV Show) for release next year in (3-D/IMAX/both). We'll even start you off with one. Variety announced that Dimension will be revisiting the Scream franchise, remaking Short Circuit, and revisiting Scanners in 3-D. But stick with me, my story gets better!
Dimension will also revisit the Spy Kids franchise for a fourth installment written by Robert Rodriguez (he'll most likely direct too), make a 3-D sequel to Hellraiser, and continue with the already confirmed remake of An American Werewolf in London. Looks like Christmas came early, and then someone decided that it was the right time for an atomic disappointment bomb! To be fair, there is one project in this batch of announcements that gives me a bit of hope, but I'm holding on by a very thin thread.
Going back to another installment of the Scream franchise, the fourth film in the series will indeed bring back Courtney Cox, David Arquette, and Neve Campbell, with negotiations on-going to bring back Wes Craven to direct the ghost face killer flick. This is the one I'm most interested to see, because the Scream films were great slasher flicks with enough tongue-in-cheek humor to force latter horror movies to rid themselves of the predictable cliches ("I'll be right back!"). But its been so long, that I just don't know.
Onto to the new 3-D films heading our way, aside from the announcement of Halloween 3-D, the Weinsteins and Dimension decided that if they were going to unnecessarily make sequels to Scanners and Hellraiser, then they might as well be in 3-D. Ten bucks says that another head will explode in the Scanners sequel, but since it's in 3-D, it'll be way better! I mean if you're going to beat a dead horse you might as well stuff it with dynamite right?
And if that wasn't enough already, they're just going to go ahead and ruin one of my childhood favorites by remaking Short Circuit. Remember when Johnny-5 used to say "No disassemble." Well, Johnny-5, I will disassemble, if only to save your dignity. Unfortunately we were too late to save Ally Sheedy. What's that? You want "input?" Well talk to Bob Weinstein, he's got plenty of stuff he can shove down your throat.
Regarding this onslaught of films from Dimension, Bob Weinstein simply said:
"I'm heading back to my franchise films. These films are our strength, and we are committed to doing them in style."
I'll just assume that Bob misspoke and meant to say "overdoing them in style," and we'll let it go. But Bob also said that, "I'm going back to doing what I do best." And from this line-up, if what Bob does best is shove a dirty rag of recycled garbage down my throat then he's right on the money. Do you feel as dirty as I do?