The Future is Bleak as Paramount Preps a Magic 8 Ball Movie

April 28, 2010
Source: Vulture

Magic 8 Ball

There really isn't any more appropriate time to say "jump the shark" or the more recent incarnation "nuke the fridge", as Paramount is really taking things too far with this Hollywood obsession of adapting toys into feature length films. Vulture reports that the studio responsible for toy-based movies Transformers and G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra is scraping the bottom of the barrel in their preparation of a live-action adventure film based around Mattel's divination driven toy The Magic 8 Ball, a hollow, plastic sphere that upon being shaken offers affirmative, negative or non-committal answers to questions courtesy of a 20-sided die inside.

Jon Gunn & John Mann (who are currently writing Boo U., a film about a ghost who's sent to school to learn how to become a more frightening specter) will be scripting this action adventure flick that will be crafted in the same vein as National Treasure. Maybe the Magic 8 Ball will operate as some sort of Choose-Your-Own-Adventure device which leads them on some sort of insane quest to stop people from coming up with terrible ideas for films. Either way, it sounds like the studio execs asked the Magic 8 Ball themselves about making this movie (something a lot of studios seem to be doing lately) until it said "Outlook good." Sadly, it didn't go rogue and say "Get the fuck out of here," which is exactly what I'll tell Paramount when I don't see this movie.

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  • Angry Chief
    AAAARRRGH!!! I feel so untapped.
  • Typhoon
    OH NO! The SLINKIES are invading! Everyone run away from the wonderful, wonderful toy! It's fun for a girl and a boy, until it KILLS you. Pathetic!
  • Angry Chief
  • Brian
    That's just, stupid!
  • Ajax
    We as a society have passed the point of satire and hyperbole. There is nothing too stupid for us to do.
  • "...scraping the bottom of the barrel '.. How True!!! And to read all over the net that good filmakers can't get finance for their projects??
    April Fools was 27 days ago.
  • Cmurder
    Where's the "Operation" board game movie...taking organs out of a living clown...i'd pay to see that!....or a live action/CGI version of "Hungry Hungry Hippos” eating a whole bunch of people….epic!
  • yep
    I'm personally holding out for the viewfinder adaptation.
  • Chuck Norris
    Silly Putty: The Movie
  • Ross
    How about 'camcorder: the movie'. It could be based on a bunch of people making their own independant movie with their camcorder which gets shown and maybe it would be better than some of the shit Hollywood is churning out :(
  • spanky
    what do you expect??? there is no talent left in Hollywood, or anywhere else to judge by sh*t like this...
  • Johnnie Walker
    I have a running bet with my co-worker that we will see a CG/live-action movie based on the Keebler Elves within 5 years. And every time one of these shit "movies" are announced I get that much closer to winning...
  • People's Champ
    They'll reboot Witchboard pretty soon. When's UNO: The Movie.
  • All sides point to...Go fuck yourself Paramount.
  • Deathtoll 2010
    I want to see a JENGA movie!
  • dandoo
    why do you even bother reporting this crap to us, we dnt care surely there's better news than this, or just no news, whatever.
  • DoomCanoe
    scraping the bottom of the barrel... OF MONKEYS! see what i did there
  • spanky
    bet it is even going to be in 3D.....
  • Squiggly_P
    "bet it is even going to be in 3D….." OH DUDE!!! It said "Try Again Later", but it was RIGHT IN MY FACE!!! So awesome! Actually, I recall there having been another previous spate of odd game and toy based movies. Remember Clue, Care Bears, Garbage Pail Kids back in the day? I'm sure there were more of them that we just can't remember. Not to mention all the early videogame movies and other similar crap that was going on at the time. Today they've focused a lot on book and comic adaptations - especially for kids and teens films, but back when I was a kid there were a ton of weird-ass live-action films based on toys, games and cartoons. They've already made most of the 70's and 80's cartoon series into movies. May as well start on the board games. Next step is to make movies out of famous breakfast cereal mascots. Who wouldn't want to see a Count Chocula movie?




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