SOUND OFF

It was bad and they should feel bad!

I grew up loving the original, and stayed optimistic when watching the trailers, was I disappointed? A little, but only because it really could have been great. Momoa was great, lots of badassdom, and love of the scowl. The story is all right (think Destroyer) but the villains and Conan's supporting characters are mostly bland and stale. Lang was lame... It needed a better baddie. The action was there, and quite awesome at times. I actually enjoyed the CG battles of the sand ghosts and the sea creature, and the overall 3Dness didn't ruin the film for me, but no major wow moments... Well maybe in the beginning, the way Conan's father goes out is kinda wild, but weird. And there is one early fight that depicts a provocation rarely scene in fight scenes... And Yes, a dude pisses his pants! I dug it despite some cheesiness; Born on the battlefield!

I agree with whoever said first 15 minutes were good and the rest sucked. Even going in with low expectations this movie is bad.

This movie was bad. Not bad enough to completely shut down the franchise but if they try again, they're going to need a different director, better script and an actual reason to use 3D. I'm glad I snuck into the movie, I fell alseep before the sand warriors even showed up (watched the second half again while waiting for another movie... which was better.) And all I wanted was the original Conan Theme to be included in the beginning and I would've been satisfied. I would've let everything else go. Momoa was "good", there was no time where I felt ripped off at his portrayal of the barbarian. I even liked his boat captain friend (needed more of him in the film, by the way). Pearlman was underused. Everyone else could've been recasted (for better or worse...) and I wouldn't have lost any sleep. The thief pales in comparison to the original snivelling guy from destroyer, classic character. The action was good, I honestly could've done with a little more. Like some more over the top battles with overwhelming monsters. The serpent looked menacing but Conan just runs away after freeing his friend and they're on to the next scene. Total rip-off. Conan "should be" just short of super-human, I'd like to have seen him pull off some "OMFG!!!/ Hell Nawh!!" feats. Bottom line, it was watchable, held my interest as long as I could keep my eyes open but didn't do anything notable AT ALL. If you HAVE to see it, don't pay the extra cash for 3D. There are other movies that do it better. Namely, all of them. And if you just have to see it in 3D, recycle the glasses and watch another movie while you're there. Plenty to choose from. /rant.

I hope they get one more chance to make a good movie because yes Momoa is badass. This movie tho, I really didnt care for it. It's supposed to be Conan, but it felt more like The Mummy+Pirates OTC+a little bit of Conan. Its like Conan for people who have ADD. I think the originals reign supreme in every facet except possibly budget. My GF sitting to my left loved it! My sister on my right kept saying, yeah right and yawning. I also thought the CGI sucked, that's all I'll say about that. While watching the guys behind me were laughing the whole time, even when it wasnt supposed to be funny, it was really annoying but also spoke to its lack of soul and seriousness that Conan should have, in fact Mamoa's Conan was always smiling and smirking, and seemed happy and ready to party, in contract to Arnolds who was solemn, pissed, angry, with a chip on his shoulder, which demeanor do you think makes a better stone cold barbarian killer?! The dialogue was really shitty and wow, all around it just really did suck. Even Ron Pearlman whose a fantasy vet didn't seem to put any effort into the dialogue, I mean come on man, pretend your in Hyboria! Give some kinda dialect changes or inflections or change your tone or something that doesn't make it sound like you could be having this conversation in modern day on the living room couch with your son. The female lead wasn't a good in this either, she was more akin to an Indiana Jones damsel in distress making jokes and squeaky sounds then a high-born pure-blood monk (who just happens to be able to kill the shit out of everyoe dispite living in a monastary her whole life) you would think should act. Rose McGowan and Avatar guy were descent, they just should have been a little more creepy and evil and of course had a better script. PS if you want to make a movie rated R barbarian gory dont just have blood splatter everywhere, make an effort to make it more brutal. I mean these guys are wearing armor anyway how does blood spray out of them like a faucet from every thing that hits them? maybe now I'm being nit-picky but it seems like the whole thing just lacked what I was hoping for in Conan.

Not good at all.  I don't really remember the original film and I have not read the books, so this film had to stand on it's own for me.  It totally failed to do that.  I didn't go in with high art expectations.  I knew this was just a brainless action movie, but even on that level it just didn't work.  There were action scenes after action scenes, but I noticed that myself and my friends were not really reacting to them. They just had no meaning.  They were just people fighting, but we didn't have any interest in the characters fighting and why they were fighting.  I mean yeah, you know Conan wants revenge, but so little is spent in the film giving his adult character any depth that you just don't care about him, his friends or his mission.  There is a bad guy and daughter combo.  Bleh, go ahead, destroy the earth or whatever it is that we forgot you wanted to do in the first place. Who cares!  On top of this, the action scenes were also shot in a way that made them difficult to really grasp what was going on.  Note to the director - back the camera up a bit - and back off on the number of edits.  They only action scene that I found half-interesting in the whole film was one in which Conan fights conjured up "sand warriors".  There was some interesting CGI effects when the worriers crumbled like sand sculptures at the beach when they died. That was it. The plot was dumb, there were obvious gaffs - such as when (yet another) fight scene starts out in the middle of the night, only moments later to look like high noon.  And note to props - swords in water should look heavy, not floating as if they are made of plastic.  Now to the 3D.  Hollywood.  Listen carefully please.  If you are going to release a movie in 3D - then FILM it using 3D cameras!!!  No more of this half-assed post production 3D conversion crap.  You are going to ruin the market for good 3D movies because people will begin to think there is no difference in 3D vs. 2D.  There were points in the film where I lifted up my glasses to see a picture  that looked the same - flat.  Those were the more watchable parts.  In other scenes, the 3D was all over the place.  Things were not on the right depth plane all over the place.  Trees were jumping around in depth in some scenes. It was very distracting.  When they showed vistas overlooking a city or place Conan was about to show up in, the 3D was done in such a way that they looked like small models, not real full sized cities.  BAD BAD BAD 3D. My advice - stay away from this movie.  Do not reward it in any way with your money - it is not even worth a $1 Redbox rental when it comes out there (likely in just a few short weeks).  Forget it even exists.

I'm not knocking the film or even comparing it to Arnold's portrayal.  But I do remember that with Conan's dialogue less was more.  Even going in with the previews i thought he spoke a bit too much.  I really liked what J-Mo brought to the screen and he was waaaaaay buffer than i remember.  I do hope they can pull off a sequel, but with fewer words (from Conan) and less harsh on the edits!   

I would screw the hell out of the actor of Conan... 

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