Galactic Empire Responds to White House Refusal to Build Death Star
Just yesterday we called attention to the official White House response to a petition for the United States government to begin gathering funding to begin building a Death Star in 2016. This happened after the petition on We the People amassed more than 34,000 signatures, well above the 25,000 required to get an official response from government officials. Reasons for the refusal included the exorbitant cost (estimated to be $850,000,000,000,000,000), the lack of a desire to blow up planets and also the ignorance in building a space station with a flaw that can be exploited by a single-man spacecraft. Now the Galactic Empire has responded to this statement from the government, and they're not surprised at our cowardice.
Here's the official press release from the Galactic Empire (via StarWars.com):
IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,“ said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”
Representatives on behalf of the nation-state leader from the unimaginatively named planet refused to acknowledge the obvious cowardice of their choice, preferring instead to attribute the decision to fiscal responsibility. “The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated, though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production,” added Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet.
Emissaries of the Emperor also caution any seditious elements within the Galactic Senate not to believe Earth’s exaggerated claims of there being a weakness in the Death Star design. “Any attacks made upon such a station – should one ever be built – would be a useless gesture,” added Motti.
So there you have it. Not quite as clever as the government response, but there's some nice references for Star Wars fans in there. Plus, I'm sure this will bring a decent amount of traffic to StarWars.com other than the usual fans that visit everyday. It's the best move as we're still waiting for any official updates on Star Wars: Episode VII, and likely any big updates will hit the official franchise website. Rumors are swirling that a director has already been found but Disney is just sitting on an announcement. If so, that's the best kept secret in Hollywood right now, and we just want to have a director revealed already.