Feast is Nothing More Than an Appetizer
by Alex Billington
September 20, 2006
Feast is a genuine "B" horror movie at its center. This Project Greenlight series movie, directed by third season winner John Gulager, is a blood-n-guts horror movie complete with smokin' hot women, shotgun toting heroes, and ugly-ass monsters. There really isn't a story, as that is an essential part of what makes a "B" movie so awful (or maybe great). The premise: there is a bar, somewhere in a desert in the middle of nowhere (why there is a bar here, no one knows). All of a sudden a guy rushes through the doors, covered with blood, hollering about some blood thirsty, ugly creatures from who-knows-where that are coming to eat everyone in this place. What next? Well nothing but killing, both of plenty humans and monsters!
Feast started off with a great comedic "B" movie feeling. It would freeze-frame and provide a brief character description including their name, occupation, and life expectancy, often filled with hilarious references to the person. However from that point forward Feast lost that great starting emphasis and turned into a rather boring motion-sickness-inducing film. What could've been a fantastic horror movie paying homage to other such greats as From Dusk Till Dawn turned out to be nothing than another disappointment - even for a "B" movie.
The biggest problem with Feast was its cinematography. It was a constant blur of movement flipping up and down and back and forth. It's almost as if they were purposely trying to hide the bad special effects with even worse camera work. When someone would get killed, usually in a vicious way, instead of solid shot of them and their mutilated body, the camera would swing around wildly and never actually show anything. The experience was equal to that of a sickening boat ride on choppy waters, even from a few rows from the back of the theater.
What Feast does have that stands out is its fairly enjoyable cast of actors. Ranging from a short cameo of Jay, Jason Mewes, to the heroine with an attitude, Navi Rawat, and the old but stern bartender, Clu Gulager. If it weren't for the great actors, this movie would've been much worse than it was. Fortunately they added quite a bit to the experience, although often through rough performances at times, it still enjoyable for what it was.
There were so many cheesy lines and clichÃ© moments, that anyone who hadn't caught on that this was a "B" movie would have instantly done so within the first 10 minutes. Even for a campy horror flick, it was hard to enjoy the majority of Feast. It was only within the last few minutes that it really started to get as horrifically intense as Harry Knowles from Ain't It Cool News made it out to be in the trailer: "f**cking awesome!" For the rest of the movie it was nothing more than "f**cking boring."
Sure the horror movie buffs will make sure to catch the midnight screenings later this week, but for most, it'll be a waste even to rent the DVD. On top of a hilariously clichÃ© (in a bad way) movie, the camera work was so awful that no one could make out half of what's happening anyway. Feast has its moments, mainly the first and last ten minutes, but the remainder is a bore-fest of horrific proportions. John Gulager has made a formidable first-time attempt at creating a horror film, but put out nothing more than another movie that goes on the dusty shelves with every other never-watched "B" horror movie.
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