Kevin's Review: You Don't Mess with the Zohan - Zohan's Crotch, That Is
by Kevin Powers
June 6, 2008
Adam Sandler, certainly known for some grade-A ridiculousness and juvenile humor, has outdone himself in his latest, You Don't Mess with the Zohan. With the typically less-than-funny Jewish-Palestinian hostility as a back story, Sandler, by way of heaps of hummus and a cantaloupe-sized crotch - which, by the way, given it's prominence should have its own credit - delivers comedy the likes of week-old bed-head - strikingly laughably, thoroughly dirty and evidently lazy. Sandler pushes aside more sophisticated Zionist jokes, in favor of, for example, having elderly Charlotte Rae ("Different Strokes") talk about erectile dysfunction. Grannies seem to be the real ones messing (around) with the Zohan.
As an unstoppable Israeli soldier, Zohan and his turrets-like disco dancing is revered the country over. He can catch bullets in his nostrils, leap from buildings and remain unmoved when a piranha is placed in his swim trunks. Yet this Semitic superhero's true passion is to one day cut and style hair - to make "the silky-smooth." Zohan travels to America to pursue his dream, but his past eventually catches up to him.
Fans of Sandler's will love the film. It's the bawdiest of his work - Judd Apatow is one of the writer's - and the most action-packed. It's also completely ridiculous. There's an appreciation upfront for the concept and fun, but the film falls apart towards the end like a bad perm, mainly when John Tuturro, as Zohan's enemy The Phantom, has more screen time. Rob Schneider as a Palestinian cab driver and telemarketer proves a bit flat, as well. Watching Zohan serve in the neighborhood watch, cut his teeth as a beautician and bang senior citizens is the best part of the film, which formulaically is about 15 minutes into the movie and about 20 minutes from the end.
Various cameos help keep the rhythm up, however. Chris Rock, Mariah Carey, George Takei and many, many more familiar faces pop up throughout the film. Why? Who knows. It's a decently entertaining element, especially Dave Matthews' career-worthy role as a hating hick. To the film's credit, Zohan stays far away from trying to insert any forced "can't we all get along" messages pertaining to the opposing countries. But obviously, in a movie like this, things wrap up in a neat, contrived little package. Well, not a little package in Zohan's case.
It was bad until it turned into a Mariah Carey commercial for the last 20 minutes, then it turned awful.
David on Jun 6, 2008
Just saw the movie. Not worth the $10 ticket price. Started off well but went downhill after the first 30mins. To save people money who haven't seen the movie, wait for the DVD/rental.
Mike Balrog on Jun 7, 2008
I was very surprised to see how much critics liked this, expecting it not to be thqt great (Sandler's hit an miss w/ me) but this was VERY ENTERTAINING and FUNNY. The end started to slow down but not to the point of it turning bad, just losing a bit of momentum. When Mariah showed up is around the point, she wasn't that funny though it wasn't really her fault.
Ryan on Jun 7, 2008
Why not make a comedy about darfur, obviously hollywood seems to take humanitarian crisis' as grounds for comedies.... Fuck hollywood and fuck adam sandler.
ramez on Jun 7, 2008
I was disappointed. Honestly, the best parts of the movie were when he was still a "super agent"...all the banging the old women and licking the shampoo hair had me on the verge of hurling on my movie-theater neighbor. You know a movie is losing something when, halfway through, you realize you really just want to go home and get to bed.
RStewie on Jun 9, 2008
6 stars? You are being very generous and forgiving for this turkey. Once the physical silliness wears thin, which it does after about 10 or 15 minutes max, you're left with one hell of a long ride to get to the end credits. Adam Sandler showing how Zohan is skilled and cool by displaying how deftly he can grill up some fish in a 5-minute segment that served no purpose? Not funny. Adam Sandler showing how Zohan is skilled and cool by showing how deftly he can grill up some fish in a 5-minute segment that served no purpose while being butt ass naked? STILL not funny! Zohan banging his roommate's mom and making him extremely uncomfortable? OK, kinda funny. Doing it over and over again in scene after scene? NOT funny. Zohan going all out on his elderly customer's hair then banging her in the backroom? Funny. Interminably long montages of him doing the same with thing with a variety of other elderly women? NOT FUNNY!! Rob Schneider... uhh... doing anything? SO NOT FUNNY I wish I could embed an animated "not funny" .gif into this comment to show how not funny it truly was. Dave Matthews was indeed hilarious. Although by the time his character was introduced I'd long stopped caring about anything I was seeing of hearing. I think I stopped caring even before Chris Rock made his horrible cameo. And I certainly didn't care by the time Lainie Kazan pulled a Meg Ryan on us.
kevjohn on Jun 9, 2008
Frankly; I just went to see Zohan because my buddies wanted to see it. I love silly , slap stick comedies like The Three Stooges and Laurel and Hardy. Adam Sandler is not as good as The Three Stooges or Laural and Hardy. However; it is so stupid silly that it was fun to watch. However; I was offended by the references to Hezballah and Palestinian Terrorist. They are not funny. Adam Sandler can't act. His facial expression is always the same in every movie. He just seems to be playing himself. He reminds me of the actor who played Neo ; his face always has the same emotionless look. I can't even remember his name. In my opinion; he can't act either. It should have gone straight to video but I blame myself. No one forced me to watch it. Ivan.
Ivan A. Arcaya,Sr. on Jun 9, 2008
If you didn't enjoy this movie you have something wrong with you. I saw it last night and I couldn't stop laughing... I just hope Adam knows his movie is great with all these stupid grumpy people giving it shitty reviews. I had a blast...i loved every minute and if you didn't.. you know genius when it bites you in the face.
Marc on Jun 11, 2008
Marc on Jun 11, 2008
adam sandler is the best actor! he is my fav actor of all time!
? on Jun 14, 2008
What was up with the ass jokes, too? Catching a fish in your ass is funny? Since when?
RStewie on Jun 16, 2008
What are the songs that were played on this movie?
Megan on Jun 17, 2008
I love humor, comedy and the like, but this movie was about 1 and a half hours too long. Adam Sandler is a waste of film. This movie had some few good jokes, but over all it was dismal. The plot and acting fell apart from the moment his character left Israel. If I was an Arab or Jewish I would be offended by the depravity and sickness of this movie. The writers should be barred from film making. Adam Sandler should seriously think about retiring. And all those aweful cameos, I am sure it didn't help their careers, except that they made their money on it. The crotch humor was overdone, the banging old ladies was overdone, and the catching stuff with his butt-cheeks that was weird beyond normal comprehension. I am at fault, I saw it by myself, wasted a free-pass, I have to admit the trailer got me interested, but the movie killed it for me. I will never see another Adam Sandler movie again.
not so funny on Jun 19, 2008
Adam Sandler tends to do his best work when he stays casual, not trying too hard to be funny or deep, etc.
patrick on Jul 2, 2008
B-RAD on Jul 2, 2008
Im at the drive in and this movie is kinda draggin on way too long. There are alot of people who have left and im guessing they got bored.As for me im ready to go home and the movie still aint done. The cock dancin did get old and the movie got a bit tedious and quite boring. Sorry i am not trying to be a hater in fact i rarely ever become a movie critic but i cant just leave since my husband is still watchin the movie. I needed something to occupy my time until this movie ends.
mi on Jul 17, 2008
I started watching this movie and stopped watching after 15 mins to read a book. Thats how weak it was. I wont be going back to it when there are so many better movies out there to watch.
Matt on Sep 18, 2008
was that lainie kazan nude or a stand-in?
r.jackson on Apr 18, 2009
THIS MOVIE SUCKED MY GOY BALLS AND SO CAN THE ZOHAR
J VELAQUEZ on Jun 10, 2009
Such a funny film!
Serviced Offices on Jun 19, 2009
It's long and dull....... and only slightly funny. Sandler is trying to do a Borat, only he doesn't do it as well as Sasha Baron Cohen.
Me on Jul 18, 2009
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