Sunday Discussion: This Summer's Worst of the Worst
by Alex Billington
May 4, 2008
I'm currently basking in the glory that is Iron Man and Speed Racer - two great movies to kick off the this summer. And as much as I wish I could sit back and enjoy every last movie that'll grace the glorious big screen over the next few months, alas there are some nasty duds coming up. I'm not one to really nitpick the big ones, but this time there are at least five movies that really stand out. Partially inspired by Kevin Carr's Eight Summer Movies That Are Sure to Suck Ass article and partially inspired by the thought that every movie so far has been great is too good to continue, I've decided to look at this summer's worst of the worst today. Watch out though - some of these movies have really gotten under my skin and it's rare to see me let loose on these utter piles of cinematic crap.
What Happens in Vegas
Ashton Kutcher hasn't been funny since Dude Where's My Car? and Cameron Diaz stopped being entertaining when she turned 30. Two deadpan actors teaming up in a one-versus-the-other romantic comedy - you've got to be kidding me! This movie looks ridiculously bad. So bad I can't even begin to talk about it. I didn't see Baby Mama because there were so many stupid lines in the trailer that I just didn't want to painfully sit through. It's the same with What Happens in Vegas - I really don't want to sit through every painful minute to walk out even more aggravated than I came in. I really hope no one goes and sees this, but they probably will. If it ends up making more money than Speed Racer next weekend I will truly be pissed.
The Love Guru
As much as I was initially excited to see Mike Myers return with an original character, after seeing the first trailer I realized he has truly reached a new low. Not only is the movie going to really suck but it's going to flop worse than League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (or so I truly hope). I even saw a scene in Las Vegas where Myers got attacked by a guard chicken - a chicken! Normally Paramount puts out the best movies, but now they've got this?! Everyone else seems to agree too, saying this looks like Austin Powers 4 but not even half as funny. I want to give it a chance, but every time I see the trailer I almost end up throwing my popcorn, soda, and candy at the screen. I'm already guessing - The Love Guru is going to be one of the worst rated movies of the year!
Wait, I spoke too soon, this is going to be the worst rated movie of the year! Eddie Murphy - please stop acting in comedies. You didn't win the Oscar for Dreamgirls, which I thoroughly enjoyed you in, because you put out that piece of shit called Norbit. I used to love Elizabeth Banks, but now I have lost all respect for her too, and that's not even a joke. Meet Dave looks like the stupidest pile of comedic shit since Norbit - and it will probably be worse! I don't know how anyone can laugh at this kind of comedy?! It's not funny, not one second of it, and it gets worse as the trailer goes on! I am going to stay miles away from this one. It doesn't even deserve any more commentary - I'm done!
Just because you have animators who can create CGI doesn't mean you should use them to create crappy movies like this one! Leave CGI movies up to experienced studios like Pixar, DreamWorks, and Blue Sky! Space Chimps looks like they took everything crappy about all of the other movies mentioned in this article and crammed them all into one downright stupid animated CGI kids movie. It's going to be 80 minutes of passion-less mindless entertainment that I bet kids won't even enjoy. There is nothing good that can come of this. Space Chimps is going to be a disaster as epic as the Challenger. I'm really sorry Fox, but please keep your stupid animated movies out of my movie theater and on DVD and in mini vans where they belong.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
I'm a huge fan of the first Mummy, but I hated Mummy Returns with a passion. And now seven years later they're making another one? As much as I'd like to respect Jet Li's involvement, I recently saw The Forbidden Kingdom - and lost all respect for him in that as the Monkey King. The worst part is that this is being directed by Rob Cohen of Fast and the Furious, xXx, and Stealth. There is really no way around it - Mummy 3 is going to be as bad of an action movie as both xXx and Stealth. I want to hold out and say it could be good, but I know in my heart that Cohen is nearly on the same level of Uwe Boll and he's just not capable of creating anything good. I'll see it and I'll give it a chance, but the moment it turns bad, I'm going to let loose on this one.
You may be asking why Hancock isn't on here when my initial reaction was pure hatred? Well, to be honest, the latest trailer has completely changed me - maybe this movie could be good after all. There will be some stupid lines and ridiculous moments that I won't be able to get past, but besides those, I'm actually thinking it could be entertaining. With that, I'm nervously opening this discussion to all of you. What looks like absolute crap this summer to you? And please be smart and actually put some real reasoning into your opinions!
Reader Feedback - 36 Comments
Why are you hating on the Space Chimps. That movie is gonna get like 200 million opening weekend 🙂
Heckle on May 4, 2008
Oh no! I hope the Twilight fans don't comment here about you hating on things you haven't read yet!
Nettle on May 4, 2008
I'm surprised You Don't Mess With The Zohan didn't make the list, that looked terrible. Anyway, I have to agree with The Love Guru will most likely be the worst movie of 2008. They showed the trailer before Iron Man and I almost walked out of the the theater. All the jokes were far too cliche, stupid or obvious to be funny. Whatever happened to intelligent comedy? I had hopes for the new Mummy movie when I first heard about it. I really like Brendan Fraser (I think his agent sucks and can't get him into a half decent movie), but then I found out that Rob Cohen was directing it and I cried. For like 3 hours. And then I died.
IHateChildren on May 4, 2008
I will not prejudge "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" without SEEING a trailer first! This flick has 3 good points going for it. 1.) Written by Miles Millar & Alfred Gough (Smallville) 2.) Stephen Sommers is a producer 3.) Rob Cohen certainly isn't Uwe Boll (Hell No!!) Sure, it will be released Aug 1---just about 3 mos from now. Perhaps, to steer it clear of all the other blockbusters. I wouldn't be surprised if we see a trailer in the next couple of weeks! **"The Incredible Hulk" trailer(s) popped up, like 1 month ago and it'll be released June 13 so I still have hope for this "Mummy" flick! We just need to stay tuned!!!:)
Spider on May 4, 2008
....not to mention Jet Li (make that 4 good points)!! My opinion anyway! I'd really like to see a trailer!!
Spider on May 4, 2008
i still pray that one day Eddie Murphy would remember who the hell he was and go back to making real comedy movies, i'd stomach another Beverly Hills Cop just to get old Eddie back.
The Delightful Deviant on May 4, 2008
Of course "Zohan" will suck. But it will also make a lot of money. Like all of Sandler movies. Which pains me. Because I just know it will make more than "Hellboy II". Which pisses me off. "What Happens In Vegas" looks dreadful. Please God let that fail. But Diaz was really really good in "In Her Shoes". Not a huge high profile film. But one of the best movies that year. Mostly because of the director, script and ensemble cast. I'm disgusted with rom-coms like "Made of Honor". Did we suffer enough from "27 Dresses"? I have a feeling "The Love Guru" will do at least 75M. At LEAST. During the trailer for it (before "Iron Man"), the audience roared with laughter. And oddly, no one seemed jazzed during the "Indiana Jones 4" trailer. Which was disturbing. I was never a fan of "The Mummy" films, but this third one feels just desperate at this point. Enough already.
email@example.com on May 4, 2008
I'm soooo glad my gf doesn't like rom-coms. Otherwise I'd hate my life. Zohan looks so over the over the top it's actually funny. Dunno if that's what they're goin for, but I laughed during the trailer. And out of all 5 movies listed up there, the worst trailer is for the Love Guru, in all objectivity.
Alfredo on May 4, 2008
your right cameron diaz hasnt been funny since somethin about mary and kutcher needs to stick to tv, i heard babys mama was good i love tina fey but i cant stomach amy pohler or whatever the blonde chicks name is as for meet dave and love guru, are they really that desperate for semi original ideas? it would be great if eddie would walk away from kids movies atleast. reprise a role from coming to america or beverly hills cop, hell make a golden child sequel too. know what other crap(besides shrek 4) hes got in store for the next few years courtesy of imdb: nowhere land(2009), a thousand words(09), untitled eddie murphy romeo and juliet project (09) and the incredible shrinking man (2010). from the titles none of them show promise. same with myers, only thing that shows promise is shrek 4(2010) theres no defending space chimps we shouldve atleast gotten a teaser trailer for mummy 3 by now, its just not looking good. jet li's a great actor on his own or with a bunch of him(the one was a great movie), he cant save a movie or franchise though, he said fearless in 06 would be his last martial arts movie. and yea brendan frasier needs a new agent. as for cohen i enjoyed the skulls and xxx(the vin diesel one) so hes not all bad
harrison on May 4, 2008
Here's a list of my top worst movies of this summer based on the trailers or in some cases, the people involved: 1. Made of Honour - Modern-day romantic-comedies are neither romantic nor comedic. They are vacuous, generic, and cater to the lowest common denominator and have absolutely no artistic merit. This movie looks like it were based on another silly romantic comedy starring Julia Roberts. 2. What Happens in Vegas - See #1. 3. The Love Guru - Rarely do comedies these days make me laugh, maybe because they feel like a weak SNL sketch stretched to breaking point. 4. You Don't Mess with the Zohan - See #3. 5. Meet Dave - See #3. Also, this one's awfulness seems to be like a cross between Norbit and Pluto Nash. 6. The Accidental Husband - See #1. 7. Speed Racer - Maybe because I'm not 6 anymore. 8. Wanted - Looks better than Lara Croft, which is not saying much. It's an excuse for a couple of cool, if fake-looking, action sequences. 9. The Happening - Everything he has done after The Sixth Sense has been either weak or just plain awful. Trailer didn't intrigue me one bit. 10. Hancock 11. Journey to the Center of the Earth 12. Step Brothers - See #3. I watched 40-Year Old Virgin on TV and was bored by it and giggled maybe twice, and I refuse to see Knocked Up, and I never got on the Apatow band wagon.) 13. Pineapple Express - See #3. 14. The Mummy 3 - Mummy 1 was mediocre, Mummy 2 was plain awful, Rob Cohen made XXX, Fast & Furious, Daylight and Stealth, and Sommers' movies are all crap. The first 6 movies on this list are my worst.
Steven Kar on May 4, 2008
hey im not counting mummy 3 out till i see a trailer. Still although stealth wasnt all that good Rob cohen has created some epic films like XXX and fast and the furious. So dont count him out yet.
darrin on May 4, 2008
ugh you haven't even seen the mummy 3 trailer and you put it there. meh stupid bloggers
Jojo on May 4, 2008
To Darrin, How can you say that Cohen has "created" some epic "films" like XXX and F&F?!!! Come on man, there was nothing epic about these movies; they were plain crap with badly-shot action scenes that were boring and seemed a decade too old. F&F had no story and had paper-thin characters and XXX offered the spy genre nothing new, contrary to what the filmmakers were hyping at the time.
Steven on May 4, 2008
To Jojo, Come on man, you don't have to see the trailer for Mummy 3 to know that it's going to be crap, just like you don't have to touch fire to know that it's going to burn you. Just think about the movies the filmmakers of Mummy 3 were involved in and you should get an idea of the quality of Mummy 3. And I'm not a blogger and you really had no reason to call me stupid just for offering my opinion and a reason for providing it.
Steven on May 4, 2008
Well Alex(#7)(#16), to each his own. Since you've seen the trailer for "The Mummy", I will take slight account of your opinion, however, your choices in flicks lately have been questionable at best, so I'm taking a wait and see approach. Just like "The Incredible Hulk", was pegged as a loser early on for lack of a trailer and "X-Files" is being underrated, --wouldn't it be something if these 3 underdogs kicked some a$$ at the box office?? ......anyway, we will see. ***One thing I've learned when it comes to box office, expect the unexpected!! Look at "Iron Man"!
Spider on May 5, 2008
As for "Hellboy 2", it's gonna ROCK! I'm looking forward to this one, that's for sure!
Spider on May 5, 2008
the movie"what happens in vegas" seems to be a true movie of how a bitch can take every thing from u.i mean seriously, he wins the jackpot right after she says "hey i want a divorce" and then after seeing that she turns around and says"whats yours is mine right?" hold the phone there u skanky whore, u said u wanted a divorce and now want me for my money? two words--- GOLD DIGGER(pulls out shotgun and shoots her point blank in face) "the love guru" seems to be a movie for teens. as one i say it has its moments but just like austin powers it WILL hav a couple of dry seasons in it "meet dave" will probably b crap. the clumps and the other movie were the only good movies where he played more than one role. end of discussion. space chimps is exactly what the main man said "leave it in the van" soccer moms. if u want to go take them bcuz they asked fine but dont drag them there bcuz u cant find anything stuupid on tv. now is where i will get dipised. the new mummy seems to be ok, but just like the rest it could be better. i will probably go see it but this is only the 2nd maybe outta five so u know....
jak on May 5, 2008
Hancock is bound to disappoint many. I'm confident in saying that.
Minic on May 5, 2008
These films usually just fly under the radar,I doubt anything will be THAT awful.Except maybe the eddie murphy one,so much charisma wasted to lame comedy.
twispious on May 5, 2008
ummmmm you lost respect for Jet Li cause he was the Monkey King? that's probably the lamest reason for disliking someone ever... considering how important of a character the Monkey King is in chinese culture most actors would probably jump at the chance to play him in a good movie... which Forbidden Kingdom was. Also the love Guru doesn't look that horrible, it's like any other Mike Myers film, mindless comedy just to kill time, if you take that shit too seriously you might as well stop watching movies or just dedicate your time to documentaries. Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher, Eddie Murphy should just stop acting (put Charlie Murphy in movies he's actually funny) and well I haven't seen a Mummy trailer yet, but I have a hard time believing it will be complete garbage.
Eric on May 5, 2008
Well, Steven Kar beat me to this one but...let me step in and place a movie on this list no one here dare say…..The Wachowski’s have been really riding the success of the FIRST Matrix ever since (name one good thing they have actually done that wasn’t the years-too-late sequels, which S U C K E D), and that Speed Racer, though it will make its money back, is the one film I think of all the ones that are going to suck this year, will make the most money doing it. I nearly choked when my friend saw the trailer and said he thought his XBox 360 must have taken a tab of LSD and puked this up.
punx on May 5, 2008
Don't judge a book by its cover. The Wackness doesn't look all that great from the trailers, but I won't say if it's good or bad until I actually see the movie. The same should be said for all the movies on the list, even though Meet Dave really does look horrendous. Alex, why would you lose all respect for Elizabeth Banks just because she signed up for Meet Dave? Yeah, it's a stupid move on her part, but she's made good decisions in the past. I'm sure she'll be great in Zack and Miri make a Porno, right?
terces7 on May 5, 2008
SPACE CHIMPS! Best movie ever.
Kail on May 5, 2008
A new trailer for The Love Guru is on youtube and the movie still looks like crap. In fact, the second trailer is even worse than the first. You'd think the studio would release an improved trailer after the bad buzz from the first, but if the "funny" stuff in the trailers is the creme de la creme of that movie, then I can't imagine just how awful the movie would be. Also Vin Diesel's movie Babylon is coming out this summer, and that one will definitely be crap, and the trailer I saw didn't help matters.
Steven on May 5, 2008
Re: Love Guru, I've been avoiding watching that trailer since people have been commenting how bad it looked. I was turned off of the Austin Powers series after being really disappointed in the second one, and I totally skipped the third. Anyway, as someone pointed out, the trailer ran before Iron Man, and wow, was it bad. I'm pretty sure they will find SOME audience, however, since there was a group of about 5 people sitting in front of us that found it hilarious. I commented to the friend I was with that now we knew who this movie was made for. =p
Dan on May 5, 2008
Meet Dave will easily be the worst movie in a few years... other than maybe The Hottie and the Nottie. Honestly, the idea of an actor playing multiple roles in a movie died out long ago, and the idea of Eddie Murphy playing multiple roles in a movie was the main cause. So why another one? This movie has positively zero merit.
Zamora on May 5, 2008
Nothing is wrong with your opinion Alex. In fact, I agree with all of them. I initially had hope for the Love Guru and thought the trailer looked mildly amusing the first time I watched it, but now after seeing it numerous times I am saddened by it. What happens in Vegas is another stylized, cliche of a romantic comedy which for me is not enough for me to spend my money to see it. Meet Dave - I dislike Eddie Murphy as an actor The Mummy - Brandon Frasiers over the top acting and hair plugs just are not convincing Space Chimps - I believe that there is over saturation for this type of film. Only a select few films of this type can be properly pulled off. In Response to Steven Kar - WT HELL MAN... Do you even consider yourself a movie fan? Everyone can have their opinion but come on Pineapple Express & Hancock LOOK AWESOME!!!!!
Napier's News on May 6, 2008
To Napier's News Come on man, no self-respecting movie fan would admit out loud that Hancock is "awesome", unless of course said movie fan was 12. I'm not the only one that thinks it's crap, but I do admit that it will make a lot of money, more money than it deserves because of people such as yourself who are easily amused and impressed by such crap. The "comedy" in that movie sounds tired, and the action looks fake and exhausting like in those horrendous Spider-Man movies. And I'm not attacking you, this is all very light-hearted movie discussion, so please don't fire back!
Steven on May 6, 2008
Hancock's on my list of movies to see this summer. It's not in the Top 5, but it'd hover somewhere in the bottom half ot he Top 10. The movie looks funny to me, and I'll "settle" for fake and exhausting action like in the Spider-Man flicks thank you very much. Love Guru and Dave look abysmal and after seeing Baby Mama I'll gladly bypass any other chick flicks for the rest of the year, including the Holy Goddess of all chick flicks, Sex and the City. I've never even heard of Space Chimps, and from the sound of it I haven't been missing much. I'm no fan of any of the Mummy movies. If there's one mainstream actor who can make Keanu Reeves look like Sir John Gielgud by comparison, it's Brendan Fraser. I don't think the guy's ever been in anything I liked, or been good in it.
kevjohn on May 6, 2008
all of those movies are going to suck and just be terrible though they'll probley make so good money. I have still some hope for The Mummy 3 because i loved the other two and want it to be just as enjoyable but with such a hack as Rob Cohen directing it i wont hold my breathe.
Curtis on May 6, 2008
Steven Kar, how stupid you really are. 7. Speed Racer - Maybe because I'm not 6 anymore. // Have you seen the trailers? Also, will you not see Batman or X-Men movies? 8. Wanted - Looks better than Lara Croft, which is not saying much. It's an excuse for a couple of cool, if fake-looking, action sequences. // They are marketing it as an over the top action flick. I'm not expecting much except something I can rent once and turn my mind off for a bit. 9. The Happening - Everything he has done after The Sixth Sense has been either weak or just plain awful. Trailer didn't intrigue me one bit. // Give M. Night a chance. The latest trailer is nicely done, and it looks like it can do well. 10. Hancock // No description? Because you know it's going to be badass and you just wanted to stir stuff up? 12. Step Brothers - See #3. I watched 40-Year Old Virgin on TV and was bored by it and giggled maybe twice, and I refuse to see Knocked Up, and I never got on the Apatow band wagon.) // Never laughed at 40 year old, didn't see Knocked Up, Superbad, or Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Do you live alone and never go out? Because all of those movies are hilarious and funny. 13. Pineapple Express - See #3. // Wow, you're so far off on worst movies of the year it's funny. I bet Tropic Thunder would be on this list if you knew about it. 14. The Mummy 3 - Mummy 1 was mediocre, Mummy 2 was plain awful, Rob Cohen made XXX, Fast & Furious, Daylight and Stealth, and Sommers' movies are all crap. // I haven't seen a trailer, but I will give it a chance to be decent.
Les on May 7, 2008
To Les: Just because you found a movie funny doesn't mean that other people should find it funny too. There are just as many people who found those movies I mentioned not funny as the ones who found them funny. And just because you found them funny doesn't actually mean that they are, in fact, funny. There's a difference between Speed Racer and Batman. a huge difference. I do want to see Batman (I didn't like the X-Men movies though), but I think Speed Racer is stupid and looks awful as a movie and yes I'm basing this on the trailers I've seen. That's what this posting on firstshowing.net is about: It's about what the readers think of the movies based on the trailers. It's a fun article that was intended to get people talking and sharing their enthusiasm or lack of enthusiasm for certain movies, so you really had no right or valid reason reason to call me stupid for expressing my opinions. We're not in kindergarten where we call the other person stupid just because he doesn't agree with us. Regarding Hancock, big box-office doesn't determine whether a movie is good or not. Just read the boards on this site and other sites and you'll see that there are just as many people who think Hancock is awful as there are people who defend it. The "comedy" in that movie is tired and unfunny and the action is, well...see my Wanted comments. So hey, it's your kind of movie then, it's OK if you're easy to please, just don't call me stupid just because I expect better quality. And by the way, why'd you take my comments so seriously and personally? We're just having fun and sharing thoughts about movies, you could've replied to my posting without the obnoxious attitude that I'm sure made you feel so big and clever. Feel free to reply but I won't waste my time on you by replying again to your comments.
Steven on May 7, 2008
You're Right, Alex! I was hoping that "The Love Guru" would be good, but the trailer looks awful. Not going to see it. "Vegas" seems like an annoying film about two drunks fighting and pass itself off as comedy. "Dave" is absolutely unfunny, and it seems that Murphy just isn't trying anymore. (And it's comming out on my birthday weekend... sob) "Chimps" is just another grab by executives to siphon money out of families. Unfortunetly, they might make a lot of money. How the hell did they come up with space chimps? (By playing mad libs is my guess). Luckily, "The Dark Knight" comes out he same weekend, so while the little kids are off there, we can all watch some good cinema. Oh no, not "Mummy 3". I like the Mummy franchise and want this to succede. But, after looking a bit, it seems doubtful.
Ajax on May 26, 2008
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