Wired's Geek Dad Picks 100 Quotes Every Geek Should Know

January 5, 2010
Source: Wired

Darth Vader

Perhaps one of the key indicators that you're watching way too many movies (is that even possible?) is when you can't help but respond impulsively to what should be a serious conversation with a witty movie quote at your side. 'Tis simultaneously a gift and a curse. But of course with great power comes great responsibility, and this great knowledge must be polished and up to par. That's where the Geek Dad over at Wired comes in to give us 100 Quotes Every Geek Should Know. Not all are from movies, but plenty come straight from the likes of Darth Vader, Batman, Egon Spengler and Ace Ventura. Read on for some of my favorites!

While there are certainly some great iconic and even hilarious lines on this list like:

» "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." - HAL, 2001: A Space Odyssey
» "Ray, if someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!" - Winston, Ghostbusters
» "I find your lack of faith disturbing." -Darth Vader, Star Wars
» "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side, kid." -Han Solo, Star Wars
» "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." - Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
» "Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds." - Egon, Ghostbusters
» "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!" - Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters
» "Wait a minute, Doc. Ah… Are you telling me you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?" - Marty McFly, Back to the Future

There are also some equally puzzling and odd choices, even for geeks:

» "If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer." - Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
» "Would you say I have a plethora of piñatas?" - El Guapo, ¡Three Amigos!
» "Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming." - Ian Malcolm, The Lost World: Jurassic Park [Author's note: I would've gone with: "Yeah, but John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists."]
» "Face it tiger, you just hit the jackpot!" – Mary Jane, Spider-Man

And then of course there's these extended diatribes which are absolutely fantastic:

» "And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire…" - Milton Waddams, Office Space

» "There is no Earthly way of knowing… which direction we are going. There is no knowing where we're rowing, or which way the river's flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a'blowing? Not a speck of light is showing so the danger much be growing. Are the fires of hell a'glowing? Is the grisley reaper mowing? YES! The danger must be growing for the rowers keep on rowing AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!" - Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

You can check out the rest of the complete list over at Wired. It truly brings a smile to my face to read some of these. Where would be without unforgettable geek quotes? And what other great quotes are sure to make their way into history soon? Chime in with your thoughts below! What are your favorite geek quotes?

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the are missing: "RICO! you know what to do..."

Janny on Jan 5, 2010


" Back off man. Im a scientist." You gotta know that one! Bill Murray, Ghostbusters.

Me on Jan 5, 2010


"I know kung fu" or "Mr. Anderton"...oops I meant Anderson ;o)

peloquin on Jan 5, 2010


My favorite is from The Empire Strikes Back. Vader: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

JaketheSnake on Jan 5, 2010


They've also got some weird typos: “Some days, you just can’t get rid of a bomb!” - Adam West, Batman & Robin Batman & Robin?!

Jad on Jan 5, 2010


The Ace Ventura and Three Amigos quotes are awesome! What's not to get?

ChrisO. on Jan 5, 2010


" say hello to my little friend." tony montana - scarface "get away from her you bitch." ripley -aliens " this is sparta." king leonidas -300

tobi,leader of the akatsuki on Jan 5, 2010


You've totally picked great movies, but you're quoting the most unmemorable phrases.... I use the Jurassic Park should've been "Compound Shed, other end of the park. Give me ten minutes and I'll have power restored.." something like that, all the time at work, when the servers restart twice a day.... Also, Back to the future "No McFly ever amounted to anything."

M on Jan 5, 2010


"And that was your the woodchipper."

dinobass on Jan 5, 2010


"No matter where you go, there you are." (Buckaroo Banzai)- The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension "The more you drive, the less intelligent you are.""The life of a repo man is always intense."(Miller)- Repo Man "I don't want no commies in my car. No Christians either."(Bud)- Repo Man

twittwit on Jan 5, 2010



Super Trooper on Jan 5, 2010


" i have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and im all out of bubble gum"-they live

rowdy on Jan 5, 2010


oh and "this is my boomstick"-army of darkness "thats it man, game over"-alians

rowdy on Jan 5, 2010


You all seem to have forgotton the greatest five lines ever spoken in film: 1) "ADRIEN!!!!!" (Rocky) 2) "I'll be back..." (The Terminator) 3) "Smile you Son of a Bitch!" (Jaws) 4) "If you build it, they will come." (Field of Dreams) 5) "Don't just stare at her asshole; EAT IT!" (American Phsyco) I only say "ADRIEN!!!!!" because it's so bad and memorable.

Big Red Moose on Jan 5, 2010


The spiderman one is very geeky. I don't get why you did'nt think so.

Tomb on Jan 5, 2010


Here are some of my favorites: "I'll be back..." (Terminator) "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." (The Phantom Menace) "May the Force be with you." (Star Wars) "Live long and prosper" (Vulcan greeting) "Where do you think he learned to negotiate like that?" (The Fifth Element) Jake - "How will I know if it is the right one?" Neytiri - "He will try to kill you" Jake - "Outstanding" (Avatar) "You don't actually think they spend $20,000 on a hammer, $30,000 on a toilet seat do you?" (Independence Day) "You want me to hack the planet? He wants me to hack the planet... Ok, *if* I decide to do this, I'll need an unlimited supply of Xena tapes and Hotpockets." (The Core) Nobody tosses a Dwarf (Fellowship of the Ring)

Brent on Jan 5, 2010


what about A Scanner Darkly? had some great ones, like: "Crazy job they gave me. But if I wasn't doing it, someone else would be. And they might get it wrong. They might set Arctor up, plant drugs on him and collect a reward. Better it be me, despite the disadvantages. Just protecting everyone from Barris is justification in itself. What the hell am I talking about? I must be nuts. I know Bob Arctor. He's a good person. He's up to nothing. At least nothing too bad. In fact, he works for the Orange County Sheriff's office covertly, which is probably why Barris is after him. But that wouldn't explain why the Orange County Sheriff's office is after him. Something big is definitely going down in this house. This rundown, rubble-filled house with its weed patch yard and cat box that never gets emptied. What a waste of a truly good house. So much could be done with it. A family and children could live here. It was designed for that. Such a waste. They ought to confiscate it and put it to better use. I'm supposed to act like they aren't here. Assuming there's a "they" at all. It may just be my imagination. Whatever it is that's watching, it's not human, unlike little dark eyed Donna. It doesn't ever blink. What does a scanner see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does it see into me, into us? Clearly or darkly? I hope it sees clearly, because I can't any longer see into myself. I see only murk. I hope for everyone's sake the scanners do better. Because if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I do, then I'm cursed and cursed again. I'll only wind up dead this way, knowing very little, and getting that little fragment wrong too." Bob Arctor - Keanu Reeves. Barris: YOU are a bug bite squared. Luckman: What kind of bug? Barris: 'Bout to get fucked up bitch beetle. Woody Harrelson and Robert downey jr. Luckman: Well! So much for our great trip to San Diego Bob, I told you we should have gone to San Francisco. Barris: What like going to San Francisco would not have caused this problem with the engine? Luckman: Yeah because when you're going north, it screws this way, and when you're going south it screws that way! Barris: If we were in Australia! Woody Harrelson and Robert Downey jr.

Xerxex on Jan 5, 2010


Idiots. Almost every one is a misquote. Morons.

Nick on Jan 5, 2010


Ghostbusters had a lot of great lines. one of my favorites is when Peter Venkman is talking to the possessed Sigourney Weaver character, Dana... " Dr. Peter Venkman: I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people." [Dana starts passionately making out with him] Dr. Peter Venkman: "Actually, it's more of a guideline than a rule..." Winston Zeddemore had some great zingers too: "If there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say." "That's a big Twinkie." "No offense, guys, but I've gotta get my own lawyer." LOL!

Mega Jet Jaguar on Jan 5, 2010


I'm thrilled with the El Guapo, Three Amigos nod - that "Plethora" conversation is one of the classic dialogues of 80's comedies. I've been saying that in conversation since I was probably 15!

Mark D on Jan 5, 2010


"we thought you was a horny toad" classic 'were gonna need a bigger boat' is another favorite, they couldve used 'must go faster' from jurassic park also, plus they use the same exact line in independence day

harrison on Jan 5, 2010


If you're gonna do aliens then you must have "we're on an express elevator to hell going down!"

jgoldeneyes on Jan 5, 2010


there is no spoon.

Jauquin on Jan 5, 2010


staying on the ghostbusters theme (why not?) "where do these stairs go?" "i believe they go up!" or something like that. i love that (those) lines.

staypuft on Jan 5, 2010


I almost forgot: "Where the white women at?!" and "Excuse me while I whip this out."(Bart)- Blazing Saddles "I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part."(Otter)- "We're just the guys to do it."(Bluto) "- Animal House "My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."(Bluto)- Animal House

twittwit on Jan 5, 2010


One of my favourites is "Don't tell me, you come from outer space" "No, I come from Iowa, I only work in outer space" Classic line.

Payne by name on Jan 6, 2010


Just checked out the Wired list. I was delighted to see a quote from the legendary Burt Gummer!

Payne by name on Jan 6, 2010


When will then be now? .... SOON! These posts will go on FORRRREEVVVERRRRRR

Nick Sears on Jan 6, 2010


Roads, where we're going, we don't need...roads The fact that this isn't on there invalidates the list in my mind

Mike on Jan 6, 2010


"It's friday. We aint got no job. And we aint got shit to do."

Winston on Jan 6, 2010


Here's another good one: "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

peloquin on Jan 6, 2010


This one was awsome: (From LOST) EKO: Hello. I have something I think you should see. If you don't mind, I will begin at the beginning. Long before Christ the king of Judah was a man named Josiah. LOCKE: Boy when you say beginning, you mean beginning.

munga on Jan 6, 2010


"Oooh, ahhh, that's how it always starts. Then later there's running and screaming." - Ian Malcolm, The Lost World: Jurassic Park Ian Malcom? i am sure it was jeff goldblum that said that line.

LV426 on Jan 6, 2010


Ian Malcolm was Jeff Goldblum's character in the Jusassic Park trilogy.

SusanB on Jan 23, 2011


@ Jauquin I didn't even check to see if anyone else commented. But fantastic quote. One of the funniest ending to a movie, ever.

Tom on Jan 6, 2010


"This chick is toast!" - Ghostbusters

Andrew on Jan 6, 2010


I know the worst quote ever "He killed....younglings...."- Obi-Wan Star Wars episode 3

Laura on Jan 6, 2010


@33 jeff goldblum plays ian malcolm... forgot 'how bout i punch-a-size your face for free" from super troopers

harrison on Jan 6, 2010


What about "The 3 Amigos." "What kind of plane is that?" "Its a male plane. Didn't you see its small balls?"

Xerxex on Jan 6, 2010


22.“I must not fear. / Fear is the mind-killer. / Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. / I will face my fear. / I will permit it to pass over me and through me. / And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. / Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. / Only I will remain.” - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Dune I love that one. I also use this one quite frequently... "Greetings Starfighter." - Centauri, The Last Starfighter and speaking of Tremors... "I am completely out of ammo. That's never happened to me before." Burt Gummer, Tremors 2 There needs to be more Babylon 5 quotes here... "Who am I? I'm Susan Ivanova, Commander, daughter of Andrei and Sofie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is gonna kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I'm death incarnate and the last living thing that you're ever going to see. God sent me." Susan Ivanova in Babylon 5:"Between the Darkness and the Light" And finally the one that has become part of my life and the lives of my friends "You smeghead." Lister, Red Dwarf

Jeep-Fu on Jan 6, 2010


"Surely you can't be serious."(Ted Striker) "I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."(Rumack) "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."(Steve McCroskey) "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."(Steve McCroskey) "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."(Steve McCroskey) "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."(Steve McCroskey) - AIRPLANE There's a million more from this movie but these stood out the most for me.

twittwit on Jan 6, 2010


From the great movie, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story... Patches O'Houlihan: "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." White Goodman: "At Globo Gym, we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning into a Franken-fine!" Young Patches O'Houlihan: "Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation." White Goodman: "Prepare to be humiliated on cable television!" White Goodman: "Fuckin' Chuck Norris!"

Mega Jet Jaguar on Jan 6, 2010


"Thorne, you're worse than a week of yellow shit storms..." Dan Ackroyd, "Nothing but Trouble"

el schmecko on Jan 6, 2010


"When it hits 88 mph, your going to see some serious sh*t"

samiswacky on Jan 6, 2010


"Nobody knocks off an old man in my neighborhood and gets away with it" Tom Hanks, 'The 'Burbs'

Paul on Aug 22, 2010


"See You next wednesday" 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Jamie on Aug 22, 2010

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