COOL STUFF

The White House Cleverly Responds to Petition to Build a Death Star

by
January 14, 2013
Source: We the People

Death Star

In case you didn't know, the United States government created a website called We the People that allows citizens to create any given petition, and if it gets enough support, the White House staff will review it, ensure it’s sent to the appropriate policy experts, and issue an official response. Well, in a short amount of time, a petition quickly garnered over 34,000 signatures to "secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016" which meant it was going to be reviewed by government officials. Now a statement has been released responding to the petition, and while it's disappointing, it's also great.

Sadly, the government will not be building a Death Star anytime in the near future, but their response is certainly amusing and was crafted with Star Wars fans in mind. Beginning with the headline, "This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For," the government lists just a few practical reasons for not building the Death Star:

- The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.

- The Administration does not support blowing up planets.

- Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

Now that's pretty great. And for anyone that wants to complain about the government wasting its time on silly petitions like this, one has to have a laugh every now and then. Plus, if you'll check out the entire statement, it goes on to hype up the current space projects we already have in action and points out, "Even though the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we've got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe."

And who knows, even though we don't get a Death Star, maybe something like a landspeeder or lightsaber could end up becoming a reality. After all, the government also points out, "We don't have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke's arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers." So there you go. No Death Star, but I think we can be satisfied with all the technology at our disposal now. Cool?

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Reader Feedback - 4 Comments

1

850 quadrillion dollars, nice.

Ege Sönmez on Jan 14, 2013

2

The administration does endorse killing civilians with drones, so that's a start.

redtie on Jan 14, 2013

3

Obama would look bitchin' in a robe with a light saber. As to whether the blade would be blue or red, well, that depends on if you ask a Democrat or Republican.

Thexn on Jan 14, 2013

4

HAHAHAHAHA...that's so awesomely funny because the Official Federal Government response is now part of the permanent record of the USA and will eventually end up in the Library of Congress. That rules.

nitzy on Jan 15, 2013

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